Everyday won't be easy!

Everyday won't be the same and it won't be easy! You will fail , you will eat more, you will what you weren't supposed to eat you will awful and you will feel angry and ugly with yourself! Well, you are not! I failed again! I ate every stupid thing i could find! I got my period! I ate Garbages ! I feel ugly and unworthy! Am i ? 

Am i what my brain says to me right now? What my hormones say to me right now? 

Did you say bravo to yourself today? 

Bravo for not eating the whole chocolate? 

Bravo for walking instead of taking the car for the small ride ? 

Bravo for eating the apple instead of the chocolate

Bravo for drinking more water today than yesterday

I will say this for you 

BRAVO! 


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Today

 Today it was one of the worst days ! I woke up at 2 p.m checked my weight and its 151.3 ! I feel awful! I feel fat , i feel unloved , i feel unworthy , i feel pissed with myself!  What did I do ?  I ate a little less for lunch , i drank only one glass of cola zero , i ate a fruit and now in the afternoon i cooked something like pancakes not exactly , it was milk , flour in the mixture and i cooked it with a little bit of oil and i ate them with a little honey and a fruit. I am drinking ny my coffee. I did a little stretching because i think that if I try hardcore training I won't survive it !!! Hahaha and then i did some exercises with weights for my arms and abs for 5 minutes. Do i feel better? Not so much but I feel a little better because i am trying for me! Although the night is still young!  I am trying! I am fighting with myself and the evil me inside me ! 
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Who am i ?

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  Good morning, good afternoon or even good evening my fellow internet friends.There's a strong possibility none reads what i am writing but  i am doing to ! I am Gigi , i am 150 kg and i decided that i want change ! i have some health issues like thyroid , actually i removed my thyroid and i am scared to death to go to the doctor! i hate hospitals , doctors and all that jazz . You will ask why ? because i am afraid of the unknown . But thats not the important here. The important is that i want to change , i want to move on , to improve myself and maybe maybe if someone out there reads my journey and feel the same way we can travell together for a better tomorrow , with a better self. i don't want to change to match with the others . i want to change for my health , for my life!  i am scared of change  i am scared of my feelings and thoughts and thats why i get nervous and when i get nervous i eat !  So my goal here is to accept who i am , change the status of me being afraid ,
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